Alone In The Dark (2005)

Announcement

The spooky season continues! We've spent some serious time here with a lot of in/famous directors who have made many terrible movies. There's Neil Breen, of course, and Albert Pyun (Arcade, Vicious Lips, Cyborg) and Stewart Raffilll (Mac and Me, Mannequin 2: On the Move, Tammy and the T-Rex). There's one guy though that we've neglected, someone very conspicuously described as one of the worst directors of all time, and that's Germany's own Uwe Boll. If his name sounds vaguely familiar, he was well known for making really awful video game adaptations in the aughts. Every one of his movies were critical failures and lost enormous amounts of money. How was he able to keep making movies then? Well, lemme tell you: He produced his own movies and Germany had a tax loophole. "[T]he reason I am able to do these kind of movies is I have a tax shelter fund in Germany, and if you invest in a movie in Germany you get basically fifty percent back from the government." So his adaptation of BloodRayne cost $25m and grossed $2.42m, but he made $10m on that. House of the Dead cost $12m and made $5.1m (and he pocketed $6m). Tonight's movie from 2005 was probably his most infamous flop. It was called ALONE IN THE DARK and was based on a 1992 PC game. It scored 1% on Rotten Tomatoes, with critic David Keyes writing, "I should be issuing warnings to those who may encounter “Alone in the Dark” but instead find my words guided by a greater urge: to maul the film in the same vicious, unfiltered manner that it contaminates the movie screen. Here is an endeavor (if you dare call it one) so utterly bereft of the simplest morsels of intelligence that it inspires a wrath within that I have rarely recognized, leaving me in an elusive predicament – how do you savage something this pathetic, this completely unbothered by the basic concept of passable composition?" I couldn't have said it better myself. See ya tonight at 6:30!

Description

Edward Carnby is a private investigator specializing in unexplainable supernatural phenomena. His cases delve into the dark corners of the world, searching for truth in the occult remnants of ancient civilizations. Now, the greatest mystery of his past is about to become the most dangerous case he has ever faced.

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